I was talking with someone recently about the value of silence as well as words in communication. In any conversation, periods of silence can allow for thought, understanding, acceptance or development.
When I was a Hospital Chaplain, most of my work was in A&E and Intensive Care.
Often I would be in the Relatives’ Room with the family of a very sick patient as they anxiously waited for news. Sadly there were occasions when the patient died and a senior doctor or surgeon had the task of telling the family.
Some of them did this in a few gentle words, then stayed silent while the relatives tried to absorb the unwelcome news. This was followed by the assurance that when they were ready, they could ask questions or have further information.
There were occasions, however, when information about the patient’s condition and the attempts made to resuscitate them was given, sometimes at some length, before the news of the death was reached. This pouring of words over the family before the main outcome was given could add considerably to their stress.
If we are listening to someone else talking to us about something happening in their lives, it is our responsibility to be as good a listener as possible, sitting still, concentrating on the speaker, letting him/her talk without interruption and allowing times of silence to fall naturally, while remaining silent ourselves apart from the occasional question or comment.
Silence in itself is very powerful. Many people find joy and spiritual strength in spending time silently in the countryside or garden, in beautiful buildings, with particular people or in meditation.
We have many examples in the Gospels of Jesus’ need for times of silence. We read of him going up mountains, or other quiet areas on land, or on a boat, to enable him to think, rest, meditate and pray as well as sometimes using the time to teach in special ways to his disciples.
When he was surrounded by crowds of people very few of them would be able to hear what he said. He would have to try to spread his words by relying on those who did hear them, to remember them and pass them on later to others who had not heard them.
Jesus also used silence powerfully at his trials and his crucifixion. He said very little and thereby left those who were conducting the proceedings confused and unsure how to proceed.
Church services do sometimes seem to be very full of words. There is a tendency in all aspects of life for people to be rather fearful of silence and try to fill it with words as quickly as possible. Perhaps though, more short periods of silence would sometimes be helpful in services to allow for thought or reflection.
Finally, silence has an enormously important part to play in private prayer. However we organise our personal prayer life, I’m sure there will be words, printed or spontaneous. There will probably be thanksgivings, confession, intercessions and personal requests. We also have to remember to allow the silences; that is when God speaks to us.
I finish with a couple of quotes from Henri Douwen, who was a Dutch Catholic Priest, Theologian and Spiritual writer. ‘Nouwen’s theology is marked by warmth, accessibility, and a profound emphasis on God’s compassionate presence in ordinary human life.’
Pip
Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals - Henri Nouwen
We must ask ourselves how many times others would benefit more from our silence than from our words - Henri Nouwen